--- writing on the 15th Feb 2020 in Europe ---
I was too overwhelmed by the back pain I was experiencing and at the same I was busy wrapping up the 1 month stay in Mysore. I didn't have time to write my practice journals as usual and I now I try to remember but nothing much come up to my head. I wrote down a bit but only like this (as below):
My last regular practice was a disaster - both mind and physical wise. My back was hurting even from surya namaskar A. I’ve never felt any pain in forward bend and it was really worrying. I don’t know how the practice went. I think my mind was really busy. Even my utthita hasta padangusthasana was shaky. The only thing I was happy with the asana practice was that I am now able to place my chin on the shin in ardha baddha padmottanasana. I was seeing my toes. Seated was good but with pain. How weird.. to have back pain in forward fold :-( I did supta kurmasana alone but lost my cross at one point. Nico came and helped me. I was grabbing my wrist. Nice. Rolling ups were okay I think.. The problem was of course my back bend practice. I manage to do back and
I struggled a lot both in mind and body wise and I was even doubting Sharathji. Ha... When I was in catching with Rakesh (like the first day!!) I just couldn't hold onto my ankle. I directly lost my grip. Sharathji passed by and he said something like 'even I have back pain.... blah blah blah'. I didn't catch all because I was too absorbed into my own bodily pain... Anyways so my last regular practice was 'shit'. The last LED class... I don't remember. But I am sure it was a good one. I still had back pain and even till now............ Now I understand people with injuries. Up till now/January, I didn't have major pain in my practice and everything seemed 'easy'. But now.. I hit the wall. My back... is not the same as before. I don't know and am not sure whether the back bend practice is good for me. I am in huge doubt.
Since I came back to Europe, I didn't go back to my practice directly. I didn't feel guilty as before. My body just needed some rest. But in reality it was not really a rest as I was busy cleaning and packing. Every day I would clean and fall asleep at weird hours... and I would wake up to go and give a class. When I finally went back to my teachers, my body and the whole practice felt H.O.R.R.I.B.L.E. Though my mind was okay. It was calm surprisingly. It was normal after a one-week of break and all the physical work I'd been doing. Once I am more settled with the house and my attitude/mind, I will go back to everyday practice.