Difficult times but we live with it


It's been a long while since I wrote here. I've been keeping my life/yoga journal more often in my Korean blog. The last few months of 2020 was filled with extremely different emotions. One day in the mid November I got a phone call from the clinic in Brussels and they told me they had resumed the fertility treatment. So I was super excited and happy to finally resume what was abruptly cancelled in March due to Covid19. I decided to directly go to Brussels on the same week, only for the weekend as I only had to take some blood test. I took a half day off on Friday and headed to St Pancras early in the morning. But as soon as I got on the Eurostar, my husband called me to tell me that his mom/my mother-in-law was in critical condition. He had already been in Brussels for a week or two then. Anyways... after I arrived in Brussels I went directly to the clinic first, then to the hotel to drop my stuff and went to the care home where my mother-in-law was staying. She was slowly dying while I was trying to create a life. How ironic yet so natural to experience death and life at the same time. My mother-in-law passed away 1 week after I arrived and we stayed a bit longer in Belgium to finish my treatment. In the end, my treatment resulted in failure. So for about 3 weeks, I stayed in Belgium with only two dresses, one trench coat and some extra clothes my husband's sister lent me. I didn't think of taking a yoga mat as it was supposed to be only 3 day trip and I was not in the mood to practise anyways while my husband's family and I were witnessing mom dying. So I didn't really practise for about 3 weeks and plus when I was devastated to know that this treatment ended with no result. It was a very difficult time. And slowly I tried to get back to the mat and it was so hard in the beginning. I gained some extra kilos in the meantime and my body felt very heavy. I never felt so limited in marichyasana C & D, and pasasana. My backbend has also become tighter I think due to tight shoulders and neck. But I accepted these changes/challenges and am trying my best to at least be on the mat everyday no matter how short the practice is. These days, I practise alone and keep it evening practice. I feel my body needs this practice in the evenings more because I sit in front of the computer all day and it's just nice to have a way to open and stretch my body after a long day. My husband also joins me and he does his routine next to me. So this new routine has been really good to both of us. We've been through some difficult moments but we find ways to live with it. And coming back to the mat not alone but together with my husband is one of the best ways.